You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
