My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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