Don't you send me to vm
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Found the puke drawer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
