Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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