i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
