maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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