nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize