i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
