drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm having to shit out rocks
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
