yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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