Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
