ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
