why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize
