I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
