I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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