I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bring me that man meat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
