i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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