Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My breasts were aching with rage.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
