It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
