I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
