mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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