I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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