3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just invented taco cereal.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
