They should really pass out barf bags in church
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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