We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
