rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
