My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
