i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
