it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
