i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
