I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
