When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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