the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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