Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
