My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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