I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im holly from the hills drunk
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
