Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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