Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
