Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
