I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone came in the potted fern
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize