EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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