also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
