it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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