he wants to bone in the snuggie
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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