If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
