This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
