He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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