I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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