Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We don't watch enough power rangers
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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