The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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