I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
