If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my being single is dangerous.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
