I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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