i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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