It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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