so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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