Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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