The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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