somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize