I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
