why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
