guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
