if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
