dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
