I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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