Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
