I just cut my nipple shaving
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize