I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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