Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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