I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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