My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
