i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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