I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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