Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
