he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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