On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
