I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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