I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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