I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
