I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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