You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize