Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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