she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
