stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
