She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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