I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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