this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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