The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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