I CAN MOONWALK!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
