I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
