I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
