I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
