is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i think i just lost a toe
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
