smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
