there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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