Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
